English

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you’ve learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius!! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham.

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn’t’ preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on?

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S – Why doesn’t “Buick” rhyme with “quick”?

Step off!

Okay, so I know I haven't blogged in... well, a LONG time. Whoops?

So, right now, I'm in the Charlotte airport trying to kill some time on my 3 hour layover before my flight leaves for Seattle. Thankfully, there is free wifi, I knew I liked Charlotte.

So, I have noticed a few things.

(1) As busy as this airport is, and with as many people there are on all sides of you... most people think they are alone or have no sense of what is appropriate in front of other people. I have found one person picking a wedgie, another digging in their nose and a third was belching so loudly that I heard it through my headphones. Seriously people?

(2) My feet must be invisible to other people. I'm sitting on the floor next to a column. As people have walked by to find a seat (which by sitting on the floor, I have kindly left open for them) they have ALL stepped on my feet. I would like to point out that my feet are not only just in front of my body, not even as far out as they could go. Maybe I should change this to, I'M INVISIBLE!

(3) Some people are amused by the simplest things. Now granted, I probably fall into this category, but I still felt it necessary to point out. There is a young man (probably a little older than me) sitting in a chair a good 6 or so feet away from me. He has been watching the invisible foot fiasco and laughing hysterically the whole time. Now that my feet are tucked underneath me, he laughs every time I look at him... which is entertaining to me ;D

(4) Little kids are the coolest! The girl behind me was watching what I was doing on the computer and she saw that I was listening to Be A Man from the Mulan soundtrack (don't laugh, that's an awesome song- just ask Bryce). She tapped me on the shoulder and asked if she could listen too. We then proceeded to have a quiet sing along together. AWESOME!

(5) There are some very unique people in this world. I can't describe them all. But one had a bright green handlebar mustache, another a spiked mohawk that I'm pretty sure is as tall as I am, and another had on the weirdest concoction of clothing I have ever seen in my life.

Okay, that's all for now. Hopefully I will update while on this trip. Yay for the west coast!!!

-Britt